I’ve had to relay difficult and painful information to my mom. No, not ” hey mom I’m 16 and pregnant” type of thing.
A few years ago, I was the unlucky person who answered the phone at 6:30am from an uncle in Mexico. The news he had to share was heartbreaking: my grandfather ( mom’s side) had passed away. I sat on the sofa and informed my mom of the news. With dry eyes, I sat next to her and comforted the only way I sought fit, I hugged her. I sat next to her and rubbed her back. That moment ranks number one in making me feel like the most useless person a live. Despite this, I sat there and told her that it would be okay.
Tonight, as I told my mom about my scheduled biopsy for a lump on my left breast, I felt helpless and scared, not for myself, but for her.
I know I may be over thinking and overanalyzing what this lump could be. In the event that that it is cancerous, I know that she will take it the hardest, lose the most sleep, and suffer the most.
I have been numb for the past several weeks. As an avoider by nature, I have managed to think nothing of the lump on my breast. I obviously and mistakingly sought WB MD and the american cancer association for answers to questions I did not have. I got answers that I didn’t need to see.
I haven’t shared this information with many, the few friends that I did tell, I told so via text or private message. My mother was the first person I told the news to out loud. As I shared the news with mom, reality set in.
Tomorrow I have a scheduled biopsy for a lump on my breast. A lump that I hope is anything but cancer. I am terrified and hope all of my worrying will be in vain.